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“My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.”

Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)

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31-40 Quotations of 556

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“Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won't help.”

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Calvin & Hobbes quotes (Fictional characters from the comic series created by Bill Watterson.)

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“One of life's greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn't good enough to marry your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchild in the world.”

Proverb quotes

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“The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.”

Franklin P. Jones quotes (American Businessman, 1887-1929)

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“Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.”

Calvin & Hobbes quotes (Fictional characters from the comic series created by Bill Watterson.)

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“You can say any foolish thing to do to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'”

Dave Berry quotes (English musician, b.1941)

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“Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“A thunderstorm is God's way of saying you spend too much time in front of the computer”

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“Shin: Device for finding furniture in the dark”

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“An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be”

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“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.”

Elayne Boosler quotes (American Comedian and Activist. b.1952)

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