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“An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.”

Agatha Christie quotes (English Detective, Novelist and Playwright, 1890-1976)

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“Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.”

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“A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed”

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“Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.”

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“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.”

Emo Philips quotes

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“If you can't convince them, confuse them.”

Harry S Truman quotes (American 33rd President of the United States, 1884-1972)

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“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”

Jack Handey quotes (American Comic Writer, Comedian and Actor on SNL. Famous for his Deep Thoughts, b.1949)

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“Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back”

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“If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried”

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“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.”

Elayne Boosler quotes (American Comedian and Activist. b.1952)

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“If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children".”

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