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“According to this week's Time magazine, President George Bush is a serious fitness buff. He works out 60 to 90 minutes a day with weights. Apparently he likes working out because it 'clears his mind.' Sometimes it works a little too well.”

Jay Leno quotes (American TV Host and Comedian, b.1950)

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“Bush is smart. I don't think that Bush will ever be impeached, 'cause unlike Clinton, Reagan, or even his father, George W. is immune from scandal. Because, if George W. testifies that he had no idea what was going on, wouldn't you believe him?”

Jay Leno quotes (American TV Host and Comedian, b.1950)

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“Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen me weep, they’ve seen me laugh, and they’ve seen me hug.' These are the same qualifications for a Tickle Me Elmo.”

Bill Maher quotes (American Comedian, Actor, Writer and Producer. b.1956)

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“I would like to apologize for referring to George W. Bush as a deserter. What I meant to say is that George W. Bush is a deserter, an election thief, a drunk driver, a WMD liar, and a functional illiterate. And he poops his pants”

Michael Moore quotes (American Film Director and Author, b.1954)

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“Today President Bush ordered an investigation into whether it is appropriate to have civilians with no experience running a Navy sub. Hey, how about an investigation into whether it's appropriate to have a civilian with no experience running the country?”

Jay Leno quotes (American TV Host and Comedian, b.1950)

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“Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.”

Robin Williams quotes (American actor)

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“Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

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“I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize”

Steven Wright quotes (American Comedian, b.1955)

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“Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.”

Calvin & Hobbes quotes (Fictional characters from the comic series created by Bill Watterson.)

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“Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

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“The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.”

Jay Leno quotes (American TV Host and Comedian, b.1950)

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