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“Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, Duct Tape, Whining, Remote Control, and The Force That Pulls Dogs Toward The Groins Of Strangers.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”

Drew Carey quotes (American Comedian, b.1958)

Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes, Hate quotes, Jobs quotes.

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“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.”

Emo Philips quotes

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Forgiveness quotes.

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“Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift"... they say "President", we say "stupid psychopathic git.”

Alexai Sayle quotes

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, America and Americans quotes.

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“Remember in elementary school you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file from smallest to tallest? What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?”

Warren Hutcherson quotes

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“If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried”

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“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.”

Rodney Dangerfield quotes (American Comedian, 1921-2004)

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Relationships quotes.

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“The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

Similar Quotes. About: Writing quotes, Funny quotes, Religion quotes, Problems quotes.

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“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?”

Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Cats quotes.

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“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”

Robin Williams quotes (American actor)

Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes, God quotes, Comedy quotes.

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“Shin: Device for finding furniture in the dark”

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