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“In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television.”

Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)

About: Funny quotes, Television quotes.

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21-30 Quotations of 469

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“Remember in elementary school you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file from smallest to tallest? What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?”

Warren Hutcherson quotes

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“If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children".”

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Advice quotes.

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“If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried”

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes. For: Funny T-shirt quotes.

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“Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.”

Charles M. Schulz quotes (American cartoonist, 1922-2000)

Similar Quotes. About: Cute quotes, Funny quotes, World quotes.

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“My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.”

Walter Matthau quotes

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Doctors quotes, Living quotes.

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“If you really want something in this life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers”

Dan Castellaneta quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1958)
Character: Homer Simpson quotes. TV Show: The Simpsons quotes

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“One of life's greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn't good enough to marry your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchild in the world.”

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Family quotes.

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“Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”

Frank Sinatra quotes (American Actor and Singer, 1915-1998)

Similar Quotes. About: Drinking quotes, Funny quotes, Mankind quotes, Enemies quotes, Alcohol quotes.

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“Tact is the art of making guests feel at home when that's really where you wish they were.”

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Tact quotes.

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“Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.”

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