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“Bush is smart. I don't think that Bush will ever be impeached, 'cause unlike Clinton, Reagan, or even his father, George W. is immune from scandal. Because, if George W. testifies that he had no idea what was going on, wouldn't you believe him?”

Jay Leno quotes (American TV Host and Comedian, b.1950)

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“Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen me weep, they’ve seen me laugh, and they’ve seen me hug.' These are the same qualifications for a Tickle Me Elmo.”

Bill Maher quotes (American Comedian, Actor, Writer and Producer. b.1956)

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“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”

Robin Williams quotes (American actor)

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“According to this week's Time magazine, President George Bush is a serious fitness buff. He works out 60 to 90 minutes a day with weights. Apparently he likes working out because it 'clears his mind.' Sometimes it works a little too well.”

Jay Leno quotes (American TV Host and Comedian, b.1950)

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“Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.”

Robin Williams quotes (American actor)

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“Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.”

Calvin & Hobbes quotes (Fictional characters from the comic series created by Bill Watterson.)

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“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.”

Lynda Montgomery quotes

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“Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”

Drew Carey quotes (American Comedian, b.1958)

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“Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift"... they say "President", we say "stupid psychopathic git.”

Alexai Sayle quotes

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“Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.”

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