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“Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift"... they say "President", we say "stupid psychopathic git.”

Alexai Sayle quotes

About: Funny quotes, America and Americans quotes.

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11-20 Quotations of 2049

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“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?”

Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Cats quotes.

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“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.”

Lynda Montgomery quotes

Similar Quotes. About: Food quotes, Funny quotes.

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“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.”

Rodney Dangerfield quotes (American Comedian, 1921-2004)

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Relationships quotes.

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“A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed”

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Men and Women quotes, Foolishness quotes, Women quotes.

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“I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”

Will Shriner quotes (American Comedian, b.1953)

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Death and dying quotes.

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“Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.”

Similar Quotes. About: Friends quotes, Friendship quotes, Funny quotes.

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“Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.”

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes.

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“If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children".”

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Advice quotes.

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“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.”

Elayne Boosler quotes (American Comedian and Activist. b.1952)

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Men and Women quotes, Men quotes, Women quotes.

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“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure”

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