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“I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?”
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“On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn't he said, 'Do you mind if I mug you here?'.”
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“My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years.”
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“Ian Hislop is going to be the new Doctor Who.”
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