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“You always pass failure on the way to success.”
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“A lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce, I think I'm about $100, 000 short.”
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“I buy women shoes and they use them to walk away from me.”
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“I was a thirteen-year-old boy for thirty years”
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“Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.”
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“I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern.”
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“Had I been brighter, the ladies been gentler, the Scotch been weaker, had the gods been kinder, had the dice been hotter, this could have been a one-sentence story: Once upon a time I lived happily ever after.”
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“It's confusing. I've had so many wives and so many children I don't know which house to go to first on Christmas.”
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“I was a 14-year-old boy for 30 years.”
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“When I say I do, the justice of the peace replies, `I know, I know...' ”
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