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“You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.”
Dave Attell quotes

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“Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people "the cops." But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!”
Dave Attell quotes
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“Doesn't matter what you say or do; people can always find a way to call you a dick.”
Eyemadreamer Dave Attell quotes
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“Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun).”
AngelFire Eddie Izzard quotes (British stand-up Comedian and Actor. b.1962)
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“When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?”
George Carlin quotes (American stand-up Comedian, Actor and Author. b.1937)
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“The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.”
George Carlin quotes (American stand-up Comedian, Actor and Author. b.1937)
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“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”
Drew Carey quotes (American Comedian, b.1958)
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