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“You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, 'holds 6-12 pounds' they're not kidding!”
Jeff Foxworthy quotes (American comedian, b.1958)

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“The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.”
Jeff Foxworthy quotes (American comedian, b.1958)
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“If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.”
Jeff Foxworthy quotes (American comedian, b.1958)
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“[Watching a baby being born] is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.”
Jeff Foxworthy quotes (American comedian, b.1958)
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“I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.”
Jeff Foxworthy quotes (American comedian, b.1958)
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“You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not "professional" any more”
Jeff Foxworthy quotes (American comedian, b.1958)
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“Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?”
Jeff Foxworthy quotes (American comedian, b.1958)
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“If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.”
Jeff Foxworthy quotes (American comedian, b.1958)
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“If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.”
Jeff Foxworthy quotes (American comedian, b.1958)
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“Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.”

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“Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.”

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