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“What's another word for Thesaurus?”
Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)

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“If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?”
Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)
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“I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new song on the radio I think, "Hey, maybe I wrote that."”
Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)
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“I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.”
Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)
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“Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?”
Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)
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“I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.”
Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)
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“When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.”
Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)
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“If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?”
Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)
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“A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, "Wish you were here."”
Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)
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“I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything. Every once in a while I turn it on and off. On and off. On and off. One day I got a call from a woman in France who said "Cut it out!"”
Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)
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“When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.”
Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)
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