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“USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.”
David Letterman quotes (American television Host and Comedian. He hosts "Late Night with David Letterman". b.1947)

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“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”
Drew Carey quotes (American Comedian, b.1958)
Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes, Hate quotes, Jobs quotes.
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“President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American voters to become president, either.”
David Letterman quotes (American television Host and Comedian. He hosts "Late Night with David Letterman". b.1947)
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“The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves.”
David Letterman quotes (American television Host and Comedian. He hosts "Late Night with David Letterman". b.1947)
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“I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”
Will Shriner quotes (American Comedian, b.1953)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Death and dying quotes.
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“Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year”
Victor Borge quotes (Danish born American Comedian and Pianist, 1909-2000)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes.
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“You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans”
George Carlin quotes (American stand-up Comedian, Actor and Author. b.1937)
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“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live”
George Carlin quotes (American stand-up Comedian, Actor and Author. b.1937)
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“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
Jack Handey quotes (American Comic Writer, Comedian and Actor on SNL. Famous for his Deep Thoughts, b.1949)
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“People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.”
David Letterman quotes (American television Host and Comedian. He hosts "Late Night with David Letterman". b.1947)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, America and Americans quotes.
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“Charlton Heston admitted he had a drinking problem, and I said to myself, "Thank God this guy doesn't own any guns!"”
David Letterman quotes (American television Host and Comedian. He hosts "Late Night with David Letterman". b.1947)
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