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“The Canadian government continues to say they will not help us if we go to war with Iraq. However, the prime minister of Canada said he'd like to help, but he's pretty sure that last time he checked, Canada had no army.”
Conan O'Brien quotes (American Television talk show host (Late Night) and Writer, b.1963)

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“President Clinton signed a $10 million deal to write a book by 2003. Isn't that amazing? Yes, and get this, not only that, President Bush signed a $10 million deal to read a book by 2003.”
Conan O'Brien quotes (American Television talk show host (Late Night) and Writer, b.1963)
Similar Quotes. About: America and Americans quotes.
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“Presidential campaign getting kind of ugly, did you hear about this? Yesterday, a 27- year-old woman came forward to deny rumors that she had an affair with Democratic front- runner John Kerry. The woman added, "I would never cheat on Bill Clinton.”
Conan O'Brien quotes (American Television talk show host (Late Night) and Writer, b.1963)
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“Republicans have called for a National African-American Museum. The plan is being held up by finding a location that isn't in their neighborhood.”
Conan O'Brien quotes (American Television talk show host (Late Night) and Writer, b.1963)
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“Officials at the White House are saying that President Bush hasn't changed his schedule much since the war started. The main difference, they say, is that he's started watching the news and taping Sponge Bob.”
Demono Conan O'Brien quotes (American Television talk show host (Late Night) and Writer, b.1963)
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“Yesterday American and British troops handed out food to hundreds of Iraqis. Not surprisingly, the Iraqis handed the British food back.”
Conan O'Brien quotes (American Television talk show host (Late Night) and Writer, b.1963)
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“Homeland Security Director Tom Ridge has unveiled a new color-coded system to warn the public about different states of danger. Red is the highest state of alert, and it means that Dick Cheney is about to eat a mozzarella stick.”
Conan O'Brien quotes (American Television talk show host (Late Night) and Writer, b.1963)
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“In West Virginia yesterday, a man was arrested for stealing several blow-up dolls. Reportedly, police didn't have any trouble catching the man because he was completely out of breath.”
Conan O'Brien quotes (American Television talk show host (Late Night) and Writer, b.1963)
Similar Quotes. About: America and Americans quotes.
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“Pamela Anderson Lee released a statement confirming that she has had her breast implants removed. Doctors say that Pamela is doing fine and that her old implants are now dating Charlie Sheen.”
Conan O'Brien quotes (American Television talk show host (Late Night) and Writer, b.1963)
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“Vanity Fair magazine reports that former President Clinton and Al Gore haven't spoken to each other since George W. Bush's inauguration. Not only that, Bill and his wife, Hillary, haven't spoken since Richard Nixon's inauguration.”
Conan O'Brien quotes (American Television talk show host (Late Night) and Writer, b.1963)
Similar Quotes. About: Politics quotes, Vanity quotes.
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“Early on, they were timing my contract with an egg timer.”
Conan O'Brien quotes (American Television talk show host (Late Night) and Writer, b.1963)
Similar Quotes. About: Time quotes.
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