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“The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with ONLY a loaf of bread are three billion to one.”
jaseychu Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)

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“My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend-and he's a priest.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“Great dreams... never even get out of the box. It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line, to hold them up and say, "How good or how bad am I?" That's where courage comes in.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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