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“Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'”
LoveofMine Conan O'Brien quotes (American Television talk show host (Late Night) and Writer, b.1963)
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“A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."”
Conan O'Brien quotes (American Television talk show host (Late Night) and Writer, b.1963)
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“I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.”
Jenny0103 Tommy Cooper quotes
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“Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.”
Jenny0103 Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)
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“Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason”
Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)
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“Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.”
Robin Williams quotes (American actor)
Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes, Divorce quotes, Comedy quotes.
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“The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook”
Julia Child quotes
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“If you can laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people will think you're drunk.”
Luckee15 Conan O'Brien quotes (American Television talk show host (Late Night) and Writer, b.1963)
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“When all else fails there's always delusion”
Conan O'Brien quotes (American Television talk show host (Late Night) and Writer, b.1963)
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“When all else fails, stop using "all else".”
Gyromaniac
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“Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis... one of those two doesn't sound right.”
Str4wb3rry Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
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