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“Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year”
Victor Borge quotes (Danish born American Comedian and Pianist, 1909-2000)
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“Remember in elementary school you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file from smallest to tallest? What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?”
Warren Hutcherson quotes
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“A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed”

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“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
Robin Williams quotes (American actor)
Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes, God quotes, Comedy quotes.
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“The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time”
Friedrich Nietzsche quotes (German classical Scholar, Philosopher and Critic of culture, 1844-1900.)
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“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'”
Tommy Cooper quotes
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Driving quotes.
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“You can't have everything. Where would you put it?”
Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)
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“I've never had a problem with drugs. I've had problems with the police.”
Keith Richards quotes (English Guitarist (Rolling Stones), b.1943)
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“You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”
Bob Hope quotes (English born American Actor and Comedian, 1903-2003)
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“Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas”
Paula Poundstone quotes (American Comic, b.1959)
Similar Quotes. About: Children quotes, Funny quotes, Adulthood quotes, Ideas quotes.
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“I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.”
Janeane Garofalo quotes (American Actress and Comedian. b.1964 Newton, New Jersey, USA)
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