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“Puns are little 'plays on words' that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way to indicate that he thinks that you must think that he is by far the cleverest person on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“Europeans, like some Americans, drive on the right side of the road, except in England, where they drive on both sides of the road; Italy, where they drive on the sidewalk; and France, where if necessary they will follow you right into the hotel lobby.”
santiz Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“Technically, Windows is an "operating system," which means that it supplies your computer with the basic commands that it needs to suddenly, with no warning whatsoever, stop operating.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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