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“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.”

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“Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.”

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“The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.”
Franklin P. Jones quotes (American Businessman, 1887-1929)
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“The problem with political jokes is they get elected.”

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“When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.”
Clarence Darrow quotes (American Lawyer, Speaker and Writer, 1857-1938)
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“Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“One of life's greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn't good enough to marry your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchild in the world.”
Proverb quotes
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“Remember in elementary school you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file from smallest to tallest? What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?”
Warren Hutcherson quotes
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“I was such an ugly kid - When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up”
Rodney Dangerfield quotes (American Comedian, 1921-2004)
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“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory”

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“If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers it's gone, I think a good thing to do is to blame it on Santa Claus”
Jack Handy quotes (American Writer and cast member of Saturday Night Live from 1991-2003. Famous for his Deep Thoughts comedy sketches.)
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