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“One of life's greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn't good enough to marry your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchild in the world.”

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1-10 Quotations of 1438

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“Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.”

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“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”

Drew Carey quotes (American Comedian, b.1958)

Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes, Hate quotes, Jobs quotes.

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“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”

Robin Williams quotes (American actor)

Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes, God quotes, Comedy quotes.

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“Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.”

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“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.”

Lynda Montgomery quotes

Similar Quotes. About: Food quotes, Funny quotes.

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“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.”

Emo Philips quotes

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Forgiveness quotes.

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“I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”

Will Shriner quotes (American Comedian, b.1953)

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Death and dying quotes.

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“I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.”

Frank Sinatra quotes (American Actor and Singer, 1915-1998)

Similar Quotes. About: Drinking quotes, Funny quotes.

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“Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.”

Robin Williams quotes (American actor)

Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes, Divorce quotes, Comedy quotes.

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“Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck”

George Carlin quotes (American stand-up Comedian, Actor and Author. b.1937)

Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes, Alcohol quotes, Women quotes.

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