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“Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)

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“Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. "Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed?" "Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother?" "Wasn't there any change?"”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“There's a big world out there. Bigger than prom, bigger than high school, and it won't matter if you were the prom queen or the quarterback of the football team or the biggest nerd. Find out who you are and try not to be afraid of it.”

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“Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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