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“My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.”
Eric Morecambe quotes (English Comedian.1926-1984)
About: Funny quotes, Neighbors quotes.
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“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'”
Tommy Cooper quotes
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Driving quotes.
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“A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.”
Robert Frost quotes (American poet, 1874-1963)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, 40th birthday quotes, Birthday quotes, Jokes quotes, Diplomacy quotes. For: Birthday quotes, T-Shirt quotes.
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“One of life's greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn't good enough to marry your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchild in the world.”
Proverb quotes
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Family quotes.
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“An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be”

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Pessimism quotes, Optimism quotes.
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“People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.”
David Letterman quotes (American television Host and Comedian. He hosts "Late Night with David Letterman". b.1947)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, America and Americans quotes.
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“How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.”
Emo Philips quotes
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes.
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“There Are Three Kinds of People - Those Who Can Count and Those Who Can't”

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes.
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“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.”
Ellen DeGeneres quotes (American Actress and stand-up Comedian, b.1958 New Orleans, Louisiana, USA)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes.
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“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”
George F. Burns quotes (American comedian 1896-1996)
Similar Quotes. About: Drinking quotes, Humor quotes, Funny quotes.
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“A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'”
Tommy Cooper quotes
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Dogs quotes.
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