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“Maybe a nation that consumes as much booze and dope as we do and has our kind of divorce statistics should pipe down about ''character issues.'' Either that or just go ahead and determine the presidency with three-legged races and pie-eating contests. It would make better TV.”
P. J. O'Rourke quotes (American political commentator,Journalist, Writer and Humorist, b.1947)

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“It's easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America's favorite pet. People like pets to possess the same qualities they do. Cats are irresponsible and recognize no authority, yet are completely dependent on others for their material needs. Cats cannot be made to do anything useful. Cats are mean for the fun of it.”
P. J. O'Rourke quotes (American political commentator,Journalist, Writer and Humorist, b.1947)
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“The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.”
P. J. O'Rourke quotes (American political commentator,Journalist, Writer and Humorist, b.1947)
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“The Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns. Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock?”
P. J. O'Rourke quotes (American political commentator,Journalist, Writer and Humorist, b.1947)
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“Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us.”
P. J. O'Rourke quotes (American political commentator,Journalist, Writer and Humorist, b.1947)
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“Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.”
P. J. O'Rourke quotes (American political commentator,Journalist, Writer and Humorist, b.1947)
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“A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them.”
P. J. O'Rourke quotes (American political commentator,Journalist, Writer and Humorist, b.1947)
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“Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government does it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy.”
P. J. O'Rourke quotes (American political commentator,Journalist, Writer and Humorist, b.1947)
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“Social Security is a government program with a constituency made up of the old, the near old and those who hope or fear to grow old. After 215 years of trying, we have finally discovered a special interest that includes 100 percent of the population. Now we can vote ourselves rich.”
P. J. O'Rourke quotes (American political commentator,Journalist, Writer and Humorist, b.1947)
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“I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a ''learning experience.'' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've done as a ''learning experience.'' It makes me feel less stupid.”
P. J. O'Rourke quotes (American political commentator,Journalist, Writer and Humorist, b.1947)
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“Earnestness is stupidity sent to college.”
P. J. O'Rourke quotes (American political commentator,Journalist, Writer and Humorist, b.1947)
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