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“It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”
Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)
About: Funny quotes, Newspapers quotes.
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11-20 Quotations of 1054

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“A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.”
surfun Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)
Similar Quotes. About: Children quotes, Babies quotes.
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“Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.”
Charles M. Schulz quotes (American cartoonist, 1922-2000)
Similar Quotes. About: Cute quotes, Funny quotes, World quotes.
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“I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”
Will Shriner quotes (American Comedian, b.1953)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Death and dying quotes.
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“Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck”
George Carlin quotes (American stand-up Comedian, Actor and Author. b.1937)
Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes, Alcohol quotes, Women quotes.
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“The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews, Bottle openers. 'Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past me, the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off. I've got the toe clippers right here.”
Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)
Similar Quotes.
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“Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.”

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes.
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“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”
Drew Carey quotes (American Comedian, b.1958)
Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes, Hate quotes, Jobs quotes.
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“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
Robin Williams quotes (American actor)
Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes, God quotes, Comedy quotes.
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“That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me”
Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)
Similar Quotes. About: Christmas quotes, Spirit quotes.
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“Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.”
Robin Williams quotes (American actor)
Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes, Divorce quotes, Comedy quotes.
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