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    I Like this quote I dislike this quoteIf you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort and say, 'How do you figger that!' real loud. Then lean back and sort of smirk.
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 Jack Handy quotes (American Writer and cast member of Saturday Night Live from 1991-2003. Famous for his Deep Thoughts comedy sketches.)

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quoteIf a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
 dmg

 Jack Handy quotes (American Writer and cast member of Saturday Night Live from 1991-2003. Famous for his Deep Thoughts comedy sketches.)

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quoteIf you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.
 dmg

 Jack Handy quotes (American Writer and cast member of Saturday Night Live from 1991-2003. Famous for his Deep Thoughts comedy sketches.)

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quoteProbably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it, little friend.
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 Jack Handy quotes (American Writer and cast member of Saturday Night Live from 1991-2003. Famous for his Deep Thoughts comedy sketches.)

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quoteInstead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that's my point.
 dmg

 Jack Handy quotes (American Writer and cast member of Saturday Night Live from 1991-2003. Famous for his Deep Thoughts comedy sketches.)

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quoteWhen I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.
 dmg

 Jack Handy quotes (American Writer and cast member of Saturday Night Live from 1991-2003. Famous for his Deep Thoughts comedy sketches.)

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quoteI bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"
 dmg

 Jack Handy quotes (American Writer and cast member of Saturday Night Live from 1991-2003. Famous for his Deep Thoughts comedy sketches.)

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quoteWhen you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmmm, boy.
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 Jack Handy quotes (American Writer and cast member of Saturday Night Live from 1991-2003. Famous for his Deep Thoughts comedy sketches.)

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quoteWhenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.

 Jack Handy quotes (American Writer and cast member of Saturday Night Live from 1991-2003. Famous for his Deep Thoughts comedy sketches.)

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quoteI hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

 Jack Handy quotes (American Writer and cast member of Saturday Night Live from 1991-2003. Famous for his Deep Thoughts comedy sketches.)

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quoteTo me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, Hey, can you give me a hand? You can say, Sorry, got these sacks. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)

 Jack Handy quotes (American Writer and cast member of Saturday Night Live from 1991-2003. Famous for his Deep Thoughts comedy sketches.)

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