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“I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants”
Woody Allen quotes (American Actor, Author, Screenwriter and Film Director, b.1935)

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“What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet”
Woody Allen quotes (American Actor, Author, Screenwriter and Film Director, b.1935)
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“I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.”
Woody Allen quotes (American Actor, Author, Screenwriter and Film Director, b.1935)
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“Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.”
Woody Allen quotes (American Actor, Author, Screenwriter and Film Director, b.1935)
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“I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.”
Woody Allen quotes (American Actor, Author, Screenwriter and Film Director, b.1935)
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“I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.”
Woody Allen quotes (American Actor, Author, Screenwriter and Film Director, b.1935)
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“I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.”
Woody Allen quotes (American Actor, Author, Screenwriter and Film Director, b.1935)
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“The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right.”
Woody Allen quotes (American Actor, Author, Screenwriter and Film Director, b.1935)
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“I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.”
Woody Allen quotes (American Actor, Author, Screenwriter and Film Director, b.1935)
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“Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?”
Woody Allen quotes (American Actor, Author, Screenwriter and Film Director, b.1935)
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“I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.”
Woody Allen quotes (American Actor, Author, Screenwriter and Film Director, b.1935)
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