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“I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"”
Jay Leno quotes (American TV Host and Comedian, b.1950)
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“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.”
Groucho Marx quotes (American Comedian, Actor and Singer, 1890-1977)
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“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
Jack Handey quotes (American Comic Writer, Comedian and Actor on SNL. Famous for his Deep Thoughts, b.1949)
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“Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework”
Bill Cosby quotes (American Actor, Comedian and Producer. b.1937, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA)
Similar Quotes. About: Education quotes, Sex quotes, Children quotes, Funny quotes, Comedy quotes.
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“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.”
Rodney Dangerfield quotes (American Comedian, 1921-2004)
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“A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'”
Tommy Cooper quotes
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“Bush is smart. I don't think that Bush will ever be impeached, 'cause unlike Clinton, Reagan, or even his father, George W. is immune from scandal. Because, if George W. testifies that he had no idea what was going on, wouldn't you believe him?”
Jenny0103 Jay Leno quotes (American TV Host and Comedian, b.1950)
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“A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."”
Conan O'Brien quotes (American Television talk show host (Late Night) and Writer, b.1963)
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“My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, "Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim."”
Paula Poundstone quotes (American Comic, b.1959)
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“Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.”

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