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“I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies." So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said "compact cars."”
Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)

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“When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.”
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“Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.”
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“It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.”
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“I went to a cafe that advertised breakfast anytime, so I ordered French Toast during the Rennaisance.”
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“I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.”
Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)
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“I want to get a tattoo of myself on my entire body, only 2" taller”
Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)
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“I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.”
Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)
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“In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.”
Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)
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“I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.”
Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)
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“I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.”
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