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    I Like this quote I dislike this quoteI think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver. and since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him.
 dmg

 Jack Handy quotes (American Writer and cast member of Saturday Night Live from 1991-2003. Famous for his Deep Thoughts comedy sketches.)

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quoteIf you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
 dmg

 Jack Handy quotes (American Writer and cast member of Saturday Night Live from 1991-2003. Famous for his Deep Thoughts comedy sketches.)

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quoteIf a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
 dmg

 Jack Handy quotes (American Writer and cast member of Saturday Night Live from 1991-2003. Famous for his Deep Thoughts comedy sketches.)

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quoteIf you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.
 dmg

 Jack Handy quotes (American Writer and cast member of Saturday Night Live from 1991-2003. Famous for his Deep Thoughts comedy sketches.)

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quoteInstead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that's my point.
 dmg

 Jack Handy quotes (American Writer and cast member of Saturday Night Live from 1991-2003. Famous for his Deep Thoughts comedy sketches.)

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quoteTo me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.

 Jack Handy quotes (American Writer and cast member of Saturday Night Live from 1991-2003. Famous for his Deep Thoughts comedy sketches.)

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quoteWhat is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk?
 dmg

 Jack Handy quotes (American Writer and cast member of Saturday Night Live from 1991-2003. Famous for his Deep Thoughts comedy sketches.)

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quoteProbably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it, little friend.
 teardrop

 Jack Handy quotes (American Writer and cast member of Saturday Night Live from 1991-2003. Famous for his Deep Thoughts comedy sketches.)

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quoteThe face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face

 Jack Handy quotes (American Writer and cast member of Saturday Night Live from 1991-2003. Famous for his Deep Thoughts comedy sketches.)

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quoteThere's nothing so tragic as seeing a family pulled apart by something as simple as a pack of wolves.
 dmg

 Jack Handy quotes (American Writer and cast member of Saturday Night Live from 1991-2003. Famous for his Deep Thoughts comedy sketches.)

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