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“I've gained a few pounds around the middle. The only lower-body garments I own that still fit me comfortably are towels.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT."”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held. What Men Want: Tickets for the world series.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth's gravitational pull has become since 1990.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes.
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“All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears - of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of falling on lobsters in the dark, or speaking before a Rotary Club, and of the words "Some Assembly Required”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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