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“I'm presently incarcerated. Convicted of a crime I didn't even commit. Hah! "Attempted murder"? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel prize for attempted chemistry? Do they?”
rainstormsong Matt Groening quotes (American Cartoonist, creator of The Simpsons. b.1954)

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“I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I will do it again.”
Matt Groening quotes (American Cartoonist, creator of The Simpsons. b.1954)
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“Love is like racing across the frozen tundra on a snowmobile which flips over, trapping you underneath. At night, the ice-weasels come.”
Matt Groening quotes (American Cartoonist, creator of The Simpsons. b.1954)
Similar Quotes. About: Love quotes, Funny quotes.
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“When the authorities warn you of the dangers of having sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.”
Matt Groening quotes (American Cartoonist, creator of The Simpsons. b.1954)
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“Underachiever---and proud of it, man!”
Matt Groening quotes (American Cartoonist, creator of The Simpsons. b.1954)
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“Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.”
Matt Groening quotes (American Cartoonist, creator of The Simpsons. b.1954)
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“I pledge impertinence to the flag waving, of the unindicted co-conspirators of America, and to the republicans for which I can't stand, one abomination, underhanded fraud, indefensible, with Liberty and Justice... Forget it.”
Matt Groening quotes (American Cartoonist, creator of The Simpsons. b.1954)
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“If you can't convince them, confuse them.”
Harry S Truman quotes (American 33rd President of the United States, 1884-1972)
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“I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.”
Janeane Garofalo quotes (American Actress and Comedian. b.1964 Newton, New Jersey, USA)
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“Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.”
Jenny0103 Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)
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“I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.”
Str4wb3rry Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
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