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“Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard.”
santiz Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“I am a world-class weenie when it comes to letting people stick needles into me. My subconscious mind firmly believes that if God had wanted us to have direct access to our bloodstreams, He would have equipped our skin with small, clearly marked doors.”
santiz Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth's gravitational pull has become since 1990.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“Puns are little 'plays on words' that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way to indicate that he thinks that you must think that he is by far the cleverest person on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“Each year, millions of skiers come to Colorado to experience its superb emergency medical facilities.”
santiz Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be able to talk to us. (By they I mean computers: I doubt scientists will ever be able to talk to us.)”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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