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“COME ON YOU'RE FROM THE SOUTH YOU UNDERSTAND, I MEAN I'M IN THE STH I WANT SOME SP”
maddenondxm Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)

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“2-in-1 is a bullshit term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2. That's why 2 was created.”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
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“I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
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“I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
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“I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle.”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
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“I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes I will drop it so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential.”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
Similar Quotes. About: Food quotes, Funny quotes, Comedy quotes, silly quotes.
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“I like cinnamon rolls, but I don't always have time to make a pan. That's why I wish they would sell cinnamon roll incense. After all I'd rather light a stick and have my roommate wake up with false hopes.”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
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“I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
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“I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
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“If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptable...”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
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“I was walking down the street with my friend and he said 'I hear music,' as though there's any other way to take it in. 'You're not special. That's how I receive it too... I tried to taste it, but it did not work.'”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
Similar Quotes. About: Music quotes, Senses quotes.
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