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“Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back”

About: Funny quotes.

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11-20 Quotations of 2032

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“The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.”

Franklin P. Jones quotes (American Businessman, 1887-1929)

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“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”

Drew Carey quotes (American Comedian, b.1958)

Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes, Hate quotes, Jobs quotes.

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“Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.”

Dr. Laurence J. Peter quotes (American "hierarchiologist", Educator and Writer, 1919-1990)

Similar Quotes. About: Communication quotes, Funny quotes, Anger quotes, Speech quotes.

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“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.”

Lynda Montgomery quotes

Similar Quotes. About: Food quotes, Funny quotes.

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“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.”

Rodney Dangerfield quotes (American Comedian, 1921-2004)

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Relationships quotes.

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“I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”

Will Shriner quotes (American Comedian, b.1953)

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Death and dying quotes.

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“If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children".”

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Advice quotes.

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“There Are Three Kinds of People - Those Who Can Count and Those Who Can't”

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“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?”

Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Cats quotes.

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“I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.”

Winston Churchill quotes (British Orator, Author and Prime Minister during World War II. 1874-1965)

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