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“Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)

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“Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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