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“Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.”
Billy Connolly quotes (Scottish Actor, b.1942)

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“I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. . . . That can keep me awake for days..”
Billy Connolly quotes (Scottish Actor, b.1942)
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“Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.”
Billy Connolly quotes (Scottish Actor, b.1942)
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“I¹m much bigger in Britain than I am there. I'm well-known, but my name's That Guy in America. . . . People shout: "Hey I know you! You're That Guy."”
Billy Connolly quotes (Scottish Actor, b.1942)
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“I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.”
Billy Connolly quotes (Scottish Actor, b.1942)
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“I'm famous for my bottom dances, but you'll only see my bum and willy if you raise a million pounds within an hour.”
Billy Connolly quotes (Scottish Actor, b.1942)
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“It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things.”
Billy Connolly quotes (Scottish Actor, b.1942)
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“I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God, but I don't think I do. But I believe in people who do.”
Billy Connolly quotes (Scottish Actor, b.1942)
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“The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started?”
Billy Connolly quotes (Scottish Actor, b.1942)
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“There's nothing like it, but it's not as good as you think it's going to be. . . . I was disappointed because there are records of people finding things that have been there for years. I was hoping for a shirt button, or my club's badge -- but not a sausage.”
Billy Connolly quotes (Scottish Actor, b.1942)
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“American sex shops are the most bizarre. They sell these inflatable dolls, but they also sell just the head -- supposedly for people to drive along the highway with.”
Billy Connolly quotes (Scottish Actor, b.1942)
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