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Henny Youngman quotes

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says "That's what puzzles me!"”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“Doctor says to a man "You're pregnant!" The man says "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says "The usual way, a little wine, a little dinner...."”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single…."”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.”
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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.”

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