Eddie Izzard quotes

“I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.”

Arco

“Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun).”

“But then the Roman Empire fell like this- "oh shit". And we went into
what the historians called the Stupid Fucker period. Where everyone
was going -"er, I dunno. Is that a Roman road? Can we eat it?" Then
there was the dark Ages. " I can't even see you! Where are you?"”

maaatin

“I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less.”

“I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.”

“Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of the sex: "Girls girls, ooo". Naturally you want to look your best, and God says "No! You will look the worst you've ever looked in your life!"”

Hassle

Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes.

“â€˜Cause, "Cake or death?" That's a pretty easy question. Anyone could answer that.
"Cake or death?"
"Eh, cake please."
"Very well! Give him cake!"
"Oh, thanks very much. It's very nice."
"You! Cake or death?"
â€œUh, cake for me, too, please."
"Very well! Give him cake, too! We're gonna run out of cake at this rate. You! Cake or death?"
"Uh, death, please. No, cake! Cake! Cake, sorry. Sorry..."
"You said death first, uh-uh, death first!"
"Well, I meant cake!"
"Oh, all right. You're lucky I'm Church of England!" Cake or death?"”

choemke

“And the National Rifle Association says that, "Guns don't kill people, people do,” but I think the gun helps, you know? I think it helps. I just think just standing there going, "Bang!" That's not going to kill too many people, is it? You'd have to be really dodgy on the heart to have that…”

Arco