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David Sedaris quotes

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“Seven beers followed by two Scotches and a thimble of marijuana and it's funny how sleep comes all on it's own.”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“Shit is the tofu of cursing.”
 Diamondeyes

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer.”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“My hands tend to be full enough dealing with people who hate me for who I am. Concentrate too hard on the millions of people who hate you for what you are and you're likely to turn into one of those unkempt, sloppy dressers who sag beneath the weight of the two hundred political buttons they wear pinned to their coats and knapsacks.”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“… [I] recall thinking that the computer would never advance much further than this. Call me naïve, but I seemed to have underestimated the universal desire to sit in a hard plastic chair and stare at a screen until your eyes cross.”
 amberella

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“Maybe I'll learn a trade. I've considered taxidermy. I always thought it was a shame you couldn't do that on people.”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“Why refer to Lady Crack Pipe or Good Sir Dishrag when these things could never live up to all that their sex implied.”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“I'm just a big liar.”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“Anyone who watches even the slightest amount of TV is familiar with the scene: An agent knocks on the door of some seemingly ordinary home or office. The door opens, and the person holding the knob is asked to identify himself. The agent then says, "I'm going to ask you to come with me."”

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