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Billy Connolly quotes

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Scottish Actor, b.1942
Billy Connolly quotes
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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote““So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?””
 deej3464

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started?”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. . . . That can keep me awake for days..”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.”
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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things.”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“There are two seasons in Scotland: June and winter.”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God, but I don't think I do. But I believe in people who do.”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find?”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.”

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